I Choose

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body;  all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

   Psalm 139:13-1

I’ve never been pregnant.  I’ve never been unmarried and pregnant.  Although I’ve stood at the crossroads of my past transgressions and my future and have made a decision on the direction I should go, I haven’t stood at the particular crossroad of deciding what to do regarding an unplanned pregnancy.  Several wonderful women I love and cherish have found themselves at this place in life.  Tears were shed, fear was felt, and shame was tangible as they confronted the consequences of choices made in passion.  I must be honest and confess to you that I didn’t make attempts to persuade my friends to not have an abortion.  If I’m being really honest, I will admit I would’ve considered the same option in their shoes.  What would I have done?  I still don’t know the answer to the question.   I know what I hope the answer would’ve been.  But I don’t know what a younger version of myself would’ve done if confronted with the decision.  As a forty-five- year-old- woman that knows who she is in the Lord, knowing the Truth of who He is, I know what I would do now.  Ah, but the old me . . . the old me was so wrapped up in shame that I can’t be certain which direction she would’ve taken at the crossroads.  It’s for this reason I find this to be the most difficult blog I’ve written.

My sweet, dear friends have shared with me the most difficult decision of their lives.  I cherish their confidences and the confidence they have in me that their decision will never be judged.  Regardless of their decision to keep a baby or abort a baby, I will never judge a woman at that crossroad.  The loving compassion I feel is an extension of God’s love for them.  His Grace is enough.  It is the same grace extended to me for my sins and transgressions.  James 2:10 says, “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.”  So, you see, I can’t judge the decision of my friends’ abortions, because I too have broken the law of God.  My heart breaks for the ladies that have felt alone, ashamed, abandoned, and hopeless at the crossroads of life and death.

Yet life experience has given me a perspective about loneliness, shame, abandonment, and hopelessness.  These feelings are not of God.  He’s always with us.  He’ll never leave us or forsake us.  He has given us a spirit of hope and not fear.   “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,’ “ Jeremiah 29:11.   He knew in His plan for us that we would occasionally go off path, and He had already plowed ahead to create a route that would restore us to His will for our lives.   When at the crossroads of life or death, God’s road doesn’t lead to death.  John 10:10, tells us “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  Therefore, the voice of death, destruction, and hopelessness isn’t that of the loving Father, but that of the enemy, attempting to ensnare us in his trap.    The Good Shepherd, our Father, will make a way to have fullness in life.   We’ll have struggles and obstacles, but He makes a way for us to live life abundantly, nonetheless.

When I imagine the thought processes of an expecting mother of an unplanned pregnancy, I imagine fear of disappointed parents, fear of what others will think, and fear of losing the dreams held of their own future.  What overwhelming thoughts to be faced with!  As a young person, I would’ve found this to be debilitating.  However, age has given me a different perspective.  The love, grace, and mercy of my parents is far greater than any misstep I could make.  God will use everything I bring to the altar and lay before Him.  He will use my blunders, my sins, my victories, and my achievements.  When He called me, He called all of me just as I am.  God will provide a way to enjoy a life abundant in fullness with Him.   The plan He made for me already had provisions for my failures that would re-route me back to His will.  I’ve seen this play out in the lives of families for which a young mother gave birth to a child outside of wedlock.  I’ve seen the faces of grandparents light up like a kid on Christmas morning each time they see their unplanned grandchild.  The circumstances of how the child was conceived were long forgotten and forgiven as they fell head-over-heels in love with their grandbabies.  I’ve seen very young women continue to meet educational and career goals.  Yes, the road was more difficult, but it still continued before them.  I’ve seen young women realize that what others think of them pales in comparison to what the Father says about them.  I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than a woman making the sacrifice to give her child a future with another family that she couldn’t offer her baby at that juncture of life.  The gift of life comes from the Creator.  He has already made a way.  The crossroads  was put in place by man.

Friends that have broached the decision of life versus abortion at the crossroad of unplanned pregnancy faced it carefully, thoughtfully, and somberly.  Never has someone talked to me about it during which they reveled in the option of abortion.  Friends that have supported a woman’s life to choose have done so with the same careful consideration.  The basis of their perspective wasn’t determined flippantly.  Therefore, I could respectfully disagree with their approach and still maintain love for them and withhold any judgments that were not mine to deal out.  I wish I could maintain my silence on the subject of abortion.  I’ve never had a desire to offer my opinion on abortion.  I’ve tiptoed around it because I never wanted women I truly love to ever think for a second my view on abortion means that I don’t love and accept them.  However, recent events in our country compel me to speak.

 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!  So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 

Revelations 3:15-16

Our country is now at a crossroads.   The availability of women to have late-term abortions is disturbing.  However, what I find more disturbing is the reaction of those in public office that supported the legislation of allowing late-term abortion.   It completely boggles my mind that celebration and high-fives ensued when the Governor of a state signed into law legislation allowing late-term abortions.  I’m appalled that, given the gravity of the situation for which it is claimed the need for such a procedure would be required, the same somber thoughtfulness wasn’t given to the reality of late-term abortion implications.  The decision by these legislators grieves me, but the celebration grieves me many times more.  The celebration speaks to the callousness of our society on the sanctity of life given by our Creator. I’ve felt for many years in the last days the darkness of the world will get darker and God’s light will get brighter.   We will be hot or cold.  We will choose the Light or darkness.   In a world where abortion is not only permissible, but it is celebrated, I feel as though I am now at the crossroads of a choice.  And, if I must choose, I choose Life.